Black Orchid

metA. test-O-cha ceremony.

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:25:37 +0100

koan grickati dok ne ispadnu mlechni.

ne rastu osmice na svakome coshku.

ge(h)danke.

dobro, kad nadrastesh sebe.

* * *

- a gde ste se vi upoznali?
- u bolnichkoj menzi.
ne seccam se shta je bilo za ruchak. osmeh ne zaboravljam...

* * *

meditacija, sedimentacija.

epiphany for breakfast.

* * *

- a shta ti radish?
- konvertujem konvencije.

* * *

znash, to ti je kao sa onim putovanjem u Samarkand. nikad tamo nismo bili, a svega se odlichno seccamo. u 16 raz(no)bojnih varijanti.

* * *

- znash, ovo je mozhda prvi put da se plashim.
- znam, ovo je prvi put da se ne plashim.

* * *

"... Uostalom, sve verzije su po detaljima medjusobno razlichite. Zapravo ispisujem vishe verzija iste stvari kao kada bi ih pisali razlichiti ljudi. Mozhda tako dosegnem neku novu istinu o znanjima koja posedujem. ..."
(V.B.)

* * *

- znash, naleto mozhda vishe necu biti tu.
- znam, zato te volim sada.

* * *

kad dvorska sluchajno ispusti maramicu, na Koji je da je uhvati u slobodnom, pre nego dotakne tlo.

* * *

'... a treba odrzhati ravnotezhu...'
- reche Snjeguljica i istopi se ko pahuljica.

* * *

"The fool looks at a finger that points at the sky."

* * *

poklonio mi je boje.
od blokova gradim kuccu.

* * *

volim zhivot jer ima chudan smisao za humor.

otvoreno pismo

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:29:37 +0100

(videli se nismo)

p(r)ometnja t(r)agova u Rebusu

zhivim sama u stanu sa roditeljima koji mi to nisu.
moja majka je imala tri deteta.
neizlechivo sam bolesna od jedne, izlechivo od druge, izlechena od trece.
imam samo neke papire, a bojica chitavu paletu...
i ne da umem da crtam, shapucem, kuckam...
al' shta cu kad sam tuzhna shto sam ruzhna.
ovisno o jeziku i raspolozhenju...

namchvorima

shto se chini, obratno je.
p(r)ichi o tri vuka i sedam jarica,
ako koz(h)a lazhe...
uvek samo jedno(ro)g.
maNc(h)or Neko komplikuje.
volim jednostavno.
hocu sama praZnak, Praznik u miRu.
vish(nj)e nema, Sem shlag i koshtice.
Leta sam samo.
kapu_chini ili leti_Magi_jato?

poslovichna abeceda

ja tebi lek, ti meni otrov,
ergo, "'occe to tako."

A: OdGovorE
B: OgLedAlo
C: if you're good enough, baby, ...
D: .

marinada trnova

ne znam znash li ko je bio prvi, ali ti si Bio drugi.
i poslednji. a to znash shta znachi.

dobra.

p.s. kao nobLice,
Kamijev nob(e)l(ovsk)i od desetog decembra daLeke...

Amos ne reche bezveze da neke knjige ispunjene mrzhnjom putuju brzhe od onih dobrih i tananih, nazhalost.

naravouchenije: neko se igrao, neko se razbio, neko je video, neko je rekao, neko je poverovao, neko ne... neko bi da prekine krug.

prostim srpskim jezikom, ovde

javno se izvinjavam svim dobrim ljudima koji su mi ikad iskreno ponudili bilo kakvu vrstu pomoci, bez obzira na to da li sam je ja prihvatila ili ne. i svima onima koji su mi znachili neshto. i svima koji su se osetili prevarenim u bilo kom smislu.
ego je chudo jedno.
iz ozbiljnih privatnih razloga nisam (bila) u stanju da objasnim neke stvari.
neke druge stvari ne mogu ni samoj sebi da objasnim. neke mogu, odlichno.
ako ikoga zaista zanima zbog svih onih/ovih godina... ok sam devojka sa mnogo problema, shto objektivnih, shto subjektivnih. svesna sam da je u ochima mnogih verovatno suprotno. svesna sam i da se chesto nisam ponela kako treba. zbog svega toga mi je iskreno zhao. ne zbog godina i rechi i sujete i ne-znam-ni-ja-chega-sve, nego zbog ljudi, nesporazuma, promashenih prijateljstava, bol(ov)a svake vrste.

ako ikoga zaista zanima... u shkoli za pa(l)chice male...
korak 1: potrazhila sam struchnu pomoc.
korak 2: iskrena sam do koske.
korak 3: pochela sam da radim na sebi, da pomazhem drugima, da uchim, da se lechim od interneta, i tako blizhe i tako dalje. iako ovo naizgled govori suprotno, znam.
korak 4: izvinjavam se. za mnogo shta. ali ne i za ono za shta nisam kriva.
korak 5: zhao mi je i shto neki smatraju da mi jeste potrebna "pomoc". ali zhao mi je i ako neko smatra da mi nije potrebna. (i) meni jeste potrebna pomoc za mnoge stvari. i ovim putem je trazhim i ovde, iskreno i skromno, od svakoga ko se ikada "smiluje". i nudim sopstvenu zauzvrat, iskreno i skromno, ukoliko sam u stanju da je pruzhim, onoliko koliko budem, ako je iko ikada bude (opet) pozheleo. ili samo nekakvo druzhenje. iskreno i skromno.
korak 6: gazda, znam da mi ne verujesh... ali volela sam te. najiskrenije shto postoji. i mislim da te i dalje volim. zato jos vishe boli. i ne mora niko da mi veruje. ti ako i kako mozhesh i zhelish. ikad. samo ne veruj uvek pre svakom drugom sem meni... molim te.
korak 7: obraticu se i pojedinachno, lichno i privatno svim onim ljudima koji to zaista zasluzhuju chim budem mogla tako da to bude kako treba. najiskrenije.
(...)

who

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 01:20:13 +0100

"Well, there's nothing I truly desire
There's nothing that I really want
But the times I find myself in the fire
To choose between the right and the wrong

I wish I could control all my judgements
Understand every move
Take my mind and all of it's voices
Tell me what should I do

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in your head and I wonder
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
One day I'll move, get away from these feelings getting stronger
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Sometimes I feel like it's not so fun to see what's under
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Let me out, let me out, I don't think I can stand it any longer
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)

I remember being part of that era
I remember being so far from home
All the times I needed someone to hear me
Cos I've never felt so much on my own

All the trouble that you have with your future
All the rules that make your life so secure
There are people who will give their opinions
But tell me, what do they know?

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in your head and I wonder
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
One day I'll move, get away from these feelings getting stronger
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Sometimes I feel like it's not so fun to see what's under
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Let me out, let me out, I don't think I can stand it any longer
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)

Who d'you think you're talking to?

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in your head and I wonder
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
One day I'll move, get away from these feelings getting stronger
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Sometimes I feel like it's not so fun to see what's under
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)
Let me out, let me out, I don't think I can stand it any longer
(Who d'you think you're talking to?)

Who d'you think you're talking to?
Who d'you think you're talking to?
Who d'you think you're talking to?!"

(Five O'Clock Heroes feat. Agyness Deyn)

bato, zato

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:38:29 +0100

kroz koprivnjak...

nettle.mojblog.rs/
(da ne bude nesporazuma - Koprivnjak nije moj blog)

bonus tracks:

niko.mojblog.rs/p-problemi/152332.html

shtikla.blogspot.com/2009/07/biseri-i-svinje.html

*

tko sam, shto sam ...

"If you can keep your head when all about you�
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,�
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,�
But make allowance to their doubting, too;�
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,�
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,�
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,�
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;�
�
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;�
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;�
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster�
And treat those two impostors just the same;�
�
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken�
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,�
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,�
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools:�
�
If you can make one heap of all your winnings�
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,�
And lose, and start at your beginnings�
And never breathe a word about your loss;�
�
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew�
To serve your turn long after they are gone,�
And so hold on when there is nothing in you�
Except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'�
�
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,�
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,�
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,�
If all men count with you but none too much;�
If you can fill the unforgiving minute�
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,�
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,�
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

(Rudyard Kipling)
�
�
*�
�

Closer (2004)
�
�

la belle personne

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:38:45 +0100

La Belle Personne (2008-)
labellepersonne-lefilm.com/

Das Fr�ulein (2006)

Kontakt (2005)

The Million Dollar Hotel (2000)

La science des rêves (2006)

Magnolia (1999)

The Aviator (2004)

The Human Stain (2003)

Hearts in Atlantis (2001)

in my secret life without words

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:36:01 +0100

The Secret Life of Words

...
Josef: I thought, um, you and I, maybe we could go away somewhere. Together. One of these days. Today. Right now. Come with me.
Hanna: No, I don't think that's going to be possible.
Josef: Why not?
Hanna: Um, because I think that if we go away to someplace together, I'm afraid that, ah, one day, maybe not today, maybe, maybe not tomorrow either, but one day suddenly, I may begin to cry and cry so very much that nothing or nobody can stop me and the tears will fill the room and I won't be able to breath and I will pull you down with me and we'll both drown.
Josef: I'll learn how to swim, Hanna. I swear, I'll learn how to swim.
...

My Life Without Me

Natalie Merchant - My Skin

Leonard Cohen - In My Secret Life

ne tumachiti ...

on the bridge

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:25:13 +0100

La Fille Sur Le Pont (1999)

La Chance... pas de chance... par chance... porter chance, chances, chances de succès, coup de chance, bonne chance... pas de chance... deuxième chance...

Marianne Faithfull - "Who Will Take My Dreams Away"

"I can't give you all my dreams
Nor the life I live
You and I know what friendship means
That's all we got to give

Who will take your dreams away
Takes your soul another day
What can never be lost is gone
It's stolen in a way

Please, don't stand too close to me
Can you hear my heart?
Take my warmth and lean on me
When we're not apart

Now our mission is complete
And our friends die here
Evil things brought down by the light
Life goes on until the end..."

Brenda Lee - "I'm Sorry"

"I'm sorry,
So sorry
That I was such a fool
I didn't know
Love could be so cruel
Oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, oh, oh, yes

You tell me
Mistakes
Are part of being young
But that don't right
The wrong that's been done

(I'm sorry) I'm sorry
(So sorry) So sorry
Please accept
My
Apology
But
Love is blind
And
I was too blind
To see
Oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, oh, oh, yes

You tell me
Mistakes
Are part of being young
But that don't right
The wrong that's been done
Oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, oh, oh, yes

I'm sorry
So sorry
Please accept
My apology
But love was blind
And I was too blind
To see
(Sorry)..."

Benny Goodman - "Sing, Sing, Sing"

touched by ...

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:13:03 +0100

Gorillas in the Mist: The Story of Dian Fossey (1988-)

photographs of Dian Fossey

more..

..about

Instinct (1999)

Howl's Moving Castle

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 00:44:09 +0100

Howl: I feel terrible, like there's a weight on my chest.
Sophie: A heart's a heavy burden.

Howl's Moving Castle

moving . vagabundo . errante . andante . animado . ambulante ... wandelnd.

ne mi dihat za ovratnik...

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sat, 17 May 2008 00:16:53 +0100

"Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Ne boj se, ne bom zbezhal
Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Da ti potem ne bo zhal

Ko ti bom zachel odpenjat gumbe

Spil ti bom nasmeh iz ustnic
In z ramen potegnil svilo
Ne bom se ustavljal na kolenih
Ko ti bom dvigal krilo

Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Vesh da she stari ne spi
Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Nocoj ne bom skakal z balkona
In cik-cak bezhal chez dvorishche

Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik,
Koza nora,
Ker mi bo kmalu vseeno
Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik,
Koza nora,
Raje me skrij pod odejo

Spil ti bom nasmeh iz ustnic
In z ramen potegnil svilo
Ne bom se ustavljal na kolenih
Ko ti bom dvigal krilo

Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Ne boj se, ne bom zbezhal
Ne, ne mi dihat za ovratnik
Da ti potem ne bo zhal ..."

(Lachni Franz)

meet me down ... in the subway...

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sat, 10 May 2008 23:59:42 +0100

It's Only Mystery

Words & Music: Eric Serra, Corine Marienneau & Louis Bertignac
Vocals: Arthur Simms
"Subway" OST

"How can I keep on smiling at their disguise?
When I know nothing good ever comes from lies
My heart is no beginner
but still I can lose my temper
Yeah

How can we keep on watching that fuc*ing TV?
We're so bored we don't even care what we see
Takes our strength away
And never, never shows us the way
No

But I think I know the answers

It's only mystery and I like it
It's only mystery and I like it
It's only mystery and I like it
It's only mystery

How can the banks of a river meet?
Sitting on her bed staring at her feet
She thinks life is water
And love, love is a river
Oh, yeah

But is a child the answer?

It's only mystery and I like it ...

We could dream of a grand evolution
Where we wouldn't ask anymore questions
There will be no, no more pretenders, yeah
Use the love that I offer

Dreaming is not the answer

Only mystery
and I like it
It's only mystery and I like it
It's only mystery and I like it
It's only mystery ...
Don't know nothing but I do know that it's a mystery
Only mystery and I like it
Only mystery and I like it
Only mystery and I like it..."

*

Guns and People

"That night I waited too long
For someone who wouldn't come
Who would've made it home to me
I went for a walk in the street

Empty eyes and shady faces
People hustling and people wandering
And I just found that in their places
The streets were not that frightening, no

I left it all, ... to the ...
That led me to a noisy cafe
And there she was, between two cups
Sweet and amazing and lofty

Just one glance and love, it hit me
Felt like being in a movie
Was she the one I was waiting for?
A beauty, a blue-eyed killer, yeah

This cruel world is such a mess
I went back home to my loneliness
It was too late, it was too late
To go to sleep
I think I might be tired
And I try, I try to sing
All I remember is that line

Guns don't kill people
People kill people
Guns don't kill people
People kill people
I said
Guns don't kill people
People kill people
I said
Guns don't kill people
It's people who kill people
I said ...

People kill people"

*

Subway Dance Scene (Rickie Lee Jones - A Lucky Guy)

*

bonus tracks:

mycity.rs/Blog/delfini-amp-big-blue-amp-jacques-mayol.html

Soft Cell - Down In The Subway

Chris Rea - The Blue Caf�

be(lieve)

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:27:24 +0100

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.
J.M. Barrie: Just a dog? *Just*?
[to Porthos] Porthos, don't listen!
[to Peter] Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's *just* a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." *Just*.

*

Jack Llewelyn Davies: [Michael tries to fly the kite the first time] Oh, I told you this wasn't going to work!
Peter Llewelyn Davies: I don't think he's fast enough.
J.M. Barrie: It's not going to work if no-one believes in him!

Finding Neverland

pay it forward...

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 19:57:24 +0100

"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change.
'Cause they kind of give up.
And when they do, everybody kind of loses."

Pay It Forward

* * *

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be an ant, you know?

*

"The reason why I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity is that I think it has something very important to offer us... I'm afraid we're losing the real virtues of living life passionately in the sense of taking responsibility for who you are, the ability to make something of yourself and feel good about life. Existentialism is often discussed as if it were a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. Sartre, once interviewed, said he never felt once minute of despair in his life. One thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance, of feeling on top of it, it's like your life is yours to create. I've read the post modernists with some interest, even admiration, but when I read them I always have this awful nagging feeling that something absolutely essential is getting left out. The more you talk about a person as a social construction or as a confluence of forces or as being fragmented of marginalised, what you do is you open up a whole new world of excuses. And when Sartre talks about responsibilty, he's not talking about something abstract. He's not talking about the kind of self or souls that theologians would talk about. He's talking about you and me talking, making descisions, doing things, and taking the consequences. It might be true that there are six billion people in this world, and counting, but nevertheless -what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms, to other people, and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is that we shouuld never write ourselves off or see eachother as a victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are."

Waking Life
imdb.com/title/tt0243017/

* * *

Oskar Schindler: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just... I could have got more.
Itzhak Stern: Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
Oskar Schindler: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I'd just...
Itzhak Stern: There will be generations because of what you did.
Oskar Schindler: I didn't do enough!
Itzhak Stern: You did so much.
[Schindler looks at his car]
Oskar Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.
[removing Nazi pin from lapel]
Oskar Schindler: This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this.
[sobbing]
Oskar Schindler: I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't! And I... I didn't!

*

"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

Schindler's List

negra sombra

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 03:41:03 +0100

"Cando penso que te fuches,
negra sombra que me asombras,
� p� dos meus cabezales
tornas fac�ndome mofa.

Cando maxino que es ida,
no mesmo sol te me amostras,
i eres a estrela que brila,
i eres o vento que zoa.

Si cantan, es ti que cantas;
si choran, es ti que choras;
i es o marmurio do r�o,
i es a noite, i es a aurora.

En todo est�s e ti es todo,
pra min i en min mesma moras,
nin me dexar�s ti (/abandonar�s) nunca,
sombra que sempre me asombras"

Poem by Rosal�a de Castro, "Follas Novas", 1880
Performed by Luz Casal
"Mar adentro" OST

*

"Dicen que no hablan las plantas, ni las fuentes ni los p�jaros
ni el onda con sus rumores, ni con su brillo los astros:
lo dicen, pero no es cierto, pues siempre cuando yo paso
de m� murmuran y exclaman: -- Ah� va la loca, soñando
con la eterna primavera de la vida y de los campos,
y ya bien pronto, bien pronto, tendr� los cabellos canos,
y ve temblando, aterida, que cubre la escarcha el prado.

--Hay canas en mi cabeza, hay en los prados escarcha;
mas yo prosigo soñando, pobre, incurable son�mbula,
con la eterna primavera de la vida que se apaga
y la perenne frescura de los campos y las almas,
aunque los unos se agostan y aunque las otras se abrasan.

Astros y fuentes y flores, no murmur�is de mis sueños;
sin ellos, ¿c�mo admiraros, ni c�mo vivir sin ellos?"

Rosal�a de Castro, "En las orillas del Sar", 1884

*

mycity.rs/Blog/Saudade.html

*

mycity.rs/Blog/un-acorden-sangriento.html

breaking point

nobody@mycity.rs (Black Orchid) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 02:51:48 +0100

"Mysterious, intense Vesta in Scorpio seeks the answers to mysteries and insists on depth and meaning in all your relationships and commitments. You are intensely devoted to your romantic partner, but that intensity holds true in the rest of your life, as well. Work is very important to you, and it's even more important that you are deeply interested in and committed to your career. A Vesta-Scorpio won't labor long on something which doesn't hold her attention. The same is true with people - you may find you seek out those whom are more than meets the eye, a still water which runs deep or a reticent and distant person. Some people, however, may not be worthy of your keen interest - don't be falsely attracted by those who purposely hold back and play games with your affections. You're terrified of your own intensity and fear that your devotion may leave you weak and powerless. It ain't so, Vesta-Scorpio, and holding back will only hurt you." (how yes no..)

Breakfast-time...

break-fast. break the fast. or break fast. or break it fast? break her fast?!? or get a fast break? break it in? or break (it) off? break up fast. make a fast break? break away fast. or break down? or break it down? break out. break through? or break out of it fast?

* * *

"I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on the way."

Sandburg, med i so...

* * *

"Stepenika bezbroj ima, gde da stanem da ne propadnem
Gde da trchim, gde da bezhim, kuda se do tebe putuje ..."

Igra u krugu...

"Tezhak san, tihi korak,
mrtav mrak, curi oblak,
beskucnik koji trazhi
zbir znakova po prashumi ..."

Koliko puta... protiv sebe

* * *

doomed.

*

bonus track:

"I've got no map to find my way
Amongst these clouds of dust
Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop your fear ...
But it's not always that clear..."

Morcheeba - Fear and Love