How to charm the male mind

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Many single women think that what men want out of a relationship is radically different from what they hope for. “He just wants to date around,” “He’s looking to have fun, period,” and “Why does he say one thing and do another?” are the kinds of comments they often make. But the opposite sexes are actually very much alike when it comes to love, if you know how to read between the lines, says Greg Gilderman, author of She’s the One: The Surprising Truth about What Makes a Woman a Keeper. Here, he reveals what men really look for in a woman—and how you can use that info to your advantage!

Q: In your book, you say that “good guys” ultimately want the same thing out of a romantic partner that women do. Before we get into what these qualities are, can you shed some light on who the “good guys” are?

A: “Good guys” are the types of men who aren’t hoping for life to be an extended fraternity party, who don’t want only sex and who don’t need to be tricked into long-term relationships. Despite what you might read in magazine advice columns, the vast majority of men really aren’t this way. The truth is that 90 percent of American men have been married by the age of 40, which, if you subtract prison inmates, is almost the entire straight male population. I don’t believe those guys have been tricked or manipulated. They wanted to be married.

Q: So what are the qualities and behaviors “good guys” looking to be in a long-term relationship are seeking in women?

A: Men ultimately do want long-term, exclusive relationships — some at 20 years old, some at 30, almost all by 40 — and if you ask a married guy why he’s with his wife, unless he’s Ice T, he won’t say just “her butt.” He’ll say it was her intelligence, her humor, her values, her potential as a good mother, and the fact that she just makes him feel relaxed and loved. It is women who display qualities like this that charm men, pure and simple.

Q: What are some of the most common ways that single women turn off men?

A: A prime example: asking too many “Where do you see us in five years?” type of questions early on in a relationship. You see it on those dating shows all the time: a couple is happily rock climbing, the woman suddenly asks something like, “Do you want to have kids some day?” and the guy looks like he’s been hit with a Taser.

Q: Why do men react this way?

A: While it’s odd when you consider that most men, like most women, have marriage and children as a goal for their lives, I think it comes down to biology: Men just have a greater natural impulse to have more partners than women do. It’s possible that men are simply wired to be resistant to the idea of monogamy, at least initially. If you’re looking to really charm him, keep these types of questions out of the conversation until you’re well into a serious relationship.

Q: What else is a “don’t” when it comes to attracting a guy?

A: Aloofness. Sure, it’s good not to inundate a guy with phone calls or emails after the first date or two. And yes, every guy likes a little bit of hard-to-get from a woman. But at some point, it’s best to recognize that guys are as insecure and flawed as you are, and being told or being given signs that we are liked is often what gets a relationship off the ground.

Q: Some women are man-magnets, plain and simple. What do you think is their secret?

A: I can remember as far back as junior high school that there were always one or two girls all the guys liked best. Although they were certainly attractive, they were never the very best-looking, but they had some kind of spark that just drew guys to them. They could laugh with the guys without being one of the guys and they had a way of making guys feel relaxed and good about themselves.

I also think context plays a role in this kind of attraction. Have you noticed that an otherwise unremarkable straight guy in a ballet class will seem far more magnetic than he would at a math convention? By putting himself in a context that benefits him — being the only guy in classroom of women — he improves his chances of getting a date. It’s no different when the tables are turned, and it’s one woman in a sea of men.

Q: So how can women use “context” to their advantage when looking to attract men?

A: Consider all of the social contexts in which you come into contact with men. Are your friends, co-workers and classmates all women? If so, is there a way to get around more guys on a regular basis, especially as one of the only women in the room? If the answer is yes, do it. If not, wrack your brain to come up with ideas (a hint: think sporting events, billiards bars, an auto show, an outdoor basketball court or a steakhouse). I promise you’ll get positive romantic results.

By Chelsea Kaplan

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Ako bi neko od muske populacije grada zelio da iznese svoje misljenje o clanku ...

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E devojko, ocigledno je dug clanak, pa jos na engleskom, - vec dva dana prodje i nijedan da se izjasni- steta - slabo ima muskaraca koji ce se potruditi da procitaju.

- Men feel that women are stronger than they are and will do everything just to ignore that fact. - Naucno je dokazano da su muskarci u vecini slucajeva nesposobni da podele paznju - cast izuzecima *** postoji jedan test sa friziderom: Zena otvori frizider i nakon sto ga zatvori moze da nabroji sve sto u njemu ima. Muskarac otvori frizider i videce samo ono sto mu treba a u vecini slucajeva ni to.***

Poligamija u osnovi reflektuje neciju nesigurnost i zelju za dokazivanjem ili cisto nezadovoljstvo onim sto se ima ili samim sobom - bez obzira da li je u pitanju musko ili zensko....

Ne kapiram...zasto svi vole da komplikuju stvari...zivot je tako lep kad si jednostavan/na i veseo/la...a svi vole da citaju izmedju redova cak i kad tih medjuredova nema...

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Ja sam dosla do zakljucka da su pojedini muskarci tako delikatni, i da se sa njima mora tako polako i njezno (bez da se prepadnu sa jednim, jedinim pitanjem ) ... pa se mozda nesto moze i uraditi.
Nisu oni toliko mnogo drugaciji od zena, samo sto se prave da jesu.

Istina je i da neki muskarci "lakse padaju" ... ali koliko dugo su interesantni (?). Bas kao i mi njima. Sve se to svodi (manje-vise) na isto.
Ima i njih svakakvih, bas kao i nas.
Samo sto se ne javljaju.
Jedno jos moram da dodam; muskarcima je mozda izgled bitan ali ni to ne traje vjecno. Ako zena zeli da ostvari nesto ozbiljnije i duze, mora imati nesto vise od samog izgleda.

A: Men ultimately do want long-term, exclusive relationships — some at 20 years old, some at 30, almost all by 40 — and if you ask a married guy why he’s with his wife, unless he’s Ice T, he won’t say just “her butt.” He’ll say it was her intelligence, her humor, her values, her potential as a good mother, and the fact that she just makes him feel relaxed and loved. It is women who display qualities like this that charm men, pure and simple.

I naravno, da bi se ostvarila priblizno idealna veza, balans je bitan. Ko je dominantna a ko ne, ko dinamican a ko ne ... i sve ostalo, ali za to treba vremena.

Musko zenski odnosi su neiscrpna tema. Dok je svijeta i vijeka uvijek ce se o imati cemu raspravljati i pricati.

I uvijek je interesantno vidjeti kako se razlicite stvari desavaju i kako ih dozivljavamo. Strast, hemijska atrakcija, ljubav ... dozivjeti i dobiti donekle kompletnu sliku stvari i desavanja u sebi (mozda i drugome).

Muskarci i ako su muskraci, i oni traze paznju i ljubav. Mislim da tajna potencijalnog uspjeha lezi u formuli; tretiraj partnera kao sebe.

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I hvala ti za ono "E devojko ..."! Uljepsala si mi dan.
Kontam da nisam djevojka od kad sam rodila dijete ... nekih 13 godina, ali je uvijek lijepo cuti.

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..(prvo) želja da se ne igraš sa njenim umom
zatim volja da se pokoriš sudbini,kao na dlanu ....

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Da bi shvatili muškarca i njegov odnos prema ženi treba da se kopa duboooko......ma čak do Adama.. ...iako je on -stariji- od Eve jabuka je pokazala da je žena dominantnija i da radi sve smišljeno i da misli čak i kad izgleda da ne misli.. .....Danas taj Adam je mutirao u svoju korist pa svoje slabosti i nesigurnot neće da pokaže direktno ili će ih vešto prikrivati...sujetom, agresijom /bilo verbalna, emotivna, psihička ili...)...
Pa sindrom balkanca vodje koji na ovim prostorima i dalje važi.....ostatci porodičnog koji vuku za sobom..i žene takodje pa .ostatci....porodičnog vaspitanja, još ako je gušena ličnost u odrastanju...pa odnos sa majkom /ocem sve od onog prvog kontakta- od rodjenja pa nadalje preslikaće se nesvesno na odnos sa ženom......ili žene sa muškarcem
edipov sindrom se ćešće spominje nego elektrin......al oba postoje

Da bi veza funkcionisala potrebno je imati bar 50% sličnosti sa partnerom....onih drugih 50% su razlike koje prihvatimo ili ne ili im se prilagodimo ili ne vremenom.....Sve u vezi, dvoje nikada neće imati....

Muškarci... žele traže puno.mnogo više nego žene (ne bih da zvučim kao feminiistkinja)..priča je ovde o muškarcima..ipak......u brak se danas najmanje stupa zbog ljubavi više zbog svega ostalog sigurnost, strah od samoće, zbog potomstva, zbog tradicije ili zato što tako mora.....zbog materijalne sigurnosti.... U brak se ne stupa danas zbog podele prava i obaveza i odgovornosti.... .u većini slučajeva
Teško da se može naići na vezu gde vlada ravnopravnost medju polovima u svakom pogledu.....

Žene su danas mnogo nezavisnije i znaju šta hoće i to i ostvaruju...tradicionalnom muškarcu to izrazito smeta ili će da trpi do odredjene granice i dobiti čir na želucu a i svaku ženinu nezavisnot će da smatra kao lični napad

Da bi brak ili veza opstale prvo je bitno da se partneri POZNAJU ali ne površno, pa poštovanje, tolerancija, razumevanje, poštovanje onoga što su stvorili (ja kažem suvereniteta i teritorijalnog integriteta ) i razlikovanje onoga što su stvorili u odnosu na ono odakle su potekli......napraviti granicu izmedju matične porodice i one koju sami stvore.....jer ostatci filogeneze koji se vuku za sobom oba partnera mogu praviti probleme....

Naći načina kako se boriti protiv dosade.i rutine...zajedno i pojedinačno....a verujem da je dosada u braku posledica baš zbog toga što većina supružnika u brak i ne ulazi iz neke preterane ljubavi ta dosada još više udaljava partnere......Naročito ako je duhovna ljubav kao nešto inspirativno i nepresušno u pomanjkanju

asimetricnost......
Citat:.(prvo) želja da se ne igraš sa njenim umom
zatim volja da se pokoriš sudbini,kao na dlanu ....
za ovo prvo si u pravu, ne treba se igrati sa ženinim umom nego pokušati ga shvatiti..(što je za neke naučna fantastika )..a i .čitati izmedju redova......

i kad partneri budu jedni druge prihvatili kao istinite vredne pažnje sve će doći na svoje mesto......
Muškarac tj većina, će biti plišani meca ako mu se ćuti, tepa, govore mu se lepe reci, izvinjava mu se godi njegovoj sujeti, ako je žena poslušna, ponizna, ako voli sve što potiče od njega i sve povladjuje, ako dobro izgleda, kuva ,dobra je domaćica i majka snajka ili već i sve to na jednom mestu..... mozda ali 3155 god.
Uh, valjda me neće niko na lomaču zbog rečenog