Star Trek Humor

Star Trek Humor

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  • Pridružio: 11 Dec 2004
  • Poruke: 1908
  • Gde živiš: Šid - Beograd

STAR TREK HUMOR

Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer

10. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

9. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

8. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

7. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

6. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.

5. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.

4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code!

3. Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.

2. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.

1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

20 Stvari koje se nikad neće dogoditi u TNG-u

1. Enterprise je naišao na energetsko polje koje je dobro poznato i istraženo.

2. Enterprise je uspješno prebacio stranog diplomata na odredište bez incidenta.

3. Enterprise je naišao na udaljenu naseobinu znanstvenika s kojima je sve u redu.

4. Riker i Data posjetili su Holodeck a on se nije pokvario.

5. Kapetan Pickard mora donijeti tešku odluku vezanu za manje naprednu civilizaciju, no srećom kapetan svoj odgovor pronalazi u Prime Directive.

6. Ispad zapovjednog mosta iz električne mreže broda ispravlja brodski električar i zaključuje da je pregorio osigurač.

7. Enterprise je susreo nepoznatu rasu, za koju se kasnije utvrdilo da je poznata, samo su njeni pripadnici nosili čudne maske da zajebavaju posadu.

8. Dogodio se incident na nekom brodu udaljenom 100.000.000 ly, no u pomoć dolazi najbliži brod, a ne Enterprise.

9. Enterprise ulazi u Warp i pogađa neko nebesko tijelo koje se neočekivano našlo na njihovoj putanji.

10. Cijela posada se razbolila, a lijek se nalazi u ormariću Sickbaya.

11. Geordi promatra predmet kroz svoj vizir, i zaključuje da nema pojma što je to.

12. Tijekom Romulanskog napada Picard zapovijedi bijeg Warp brzinom, no brod neće krenuti.

13. Data je predložen za promaknuće jer ne razumije ono što mu ljudi govore.

14. Wesleya Crushera premlate kolege iz razreda zato što je štreber, a on se zbog toga počne družiti sa svojim vršnjacima.

15. Savjetnica Troy da procjenu stanja koja je drugačija od one očite na prvi pogled

16. Tajanstveno energetsko biće pokušava ući u Enterpriseov računalni sustav - ali bez uspjeha.

17. Riker se upozna s nekom ženskom, napumpa je i odluči ostati i oženiti je, ali zbog toga dospijeva na vojni sud.

18. Posada Enterprisea otkrila je planet kojeg mještani zovu "Raj". Tamo su svi sretni, žive u izobilju, ne moraju raditi, energija im curi sama, da bi se do kraja epizode pokazalo da je sve doista tako - prekrasno mjesto za život.

19. Posada Enterprisea upala je u neku prostornovremensku anomaliju i *nije* završila na Zemlji u 20. st.

20. Kapetana Picarda zarobila je neka superiorna rasa, i sudila mu za grijehe čovječanstva, no kasnije se utvrdila greška, pa ga ovi puštaju uz ispriku.

IF BORG QUEEN WERE

20. Sisko: "We are the Borg. and the Bajoran Emmissary and..."

19. Tuvok: "We are the Borg. Assimilation is logical."

18. Seska: "We are the Borg... hello, Chakotay"

17. Seven: "We are the Borg. Again?!?"

16. Kira: "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated in the name of the Prophets."

15. Data: "We are the Borg. Borg: An intergellactive collective made up of, sentient biological and inorganic life forms working as a collective, first colonized in the year...blah blah blah..."

14. Scotty: "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated in one hour. But since you don't have an hour we'll do it in half an hour."

13. Q: "We are the Borg. Mere mortals are not worthy of assmililation. The Continum will simply erase you from time!"

12. T'pol: "We are the Borg. The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that you will be assimilated. Resistance would be illogical."

11. Kirk: "We are the Borg. Give us your females!"

10. Janeway: "We are the Borg and don't call us 'Sir.'"

9. Quark: "We are the Borg. Give us money."

8. Paris: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile, so how about a nice stroll on the holodeck and an Ij'okian Rum Punch?

7. Uhura: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated and then you can wear that ridiculous mini-skirt that forces you to keep your legs crossed all the time. AHAHAHAHAHA"

6. Spock: "We are the Borg. Assimilation is logical. Resistance is most fascinating."

5. Garak: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile, and so is thinking you can get away with wearing those shoes with that purse."

4. Troi: "It appears we are the Borg. I am sensing a strong futility in your resistance."

3. McCoy: "We are the...Damnit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Borg!

2. Neelix: "We are the Borg. We will add your technological and biological distinctiveness to our own. Won't that be nice?"

1. Picard: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile...Number One."

STAR TREK CHARACTERS HOMEWORK EXCUSES

1. Odo: Homework is for solids.

2. Spock: If you would simply allow me to meld with you, I would never need to do homework again.

3. Troi: I sense that you are unhappy with me. Give me a few more days, and I can re-write it without the chocolate stains.

4. Quark: Odo confiscated it to be used as evidence against me. You'll have to take it up with him.

5. Data: After Finishing the compilation of the a foementioned assignment, I was called away to the bridge, and in doing so, left this assignment out on the table, where Spot inadvertantly saw this as a nutrient rich source of nourishment. Also known as food, and...Yes, Sir.

6. Kai Winn: This homework is for my eyes alone.

7. Seven of Nine: The Borg Queen never made us do homework.

8. Worf: Klingons do NOT do homework!

9. Damar: I sacrificed my homework for the good of Cardassia.

10. B'Elanna: There was a problem with the warp-plasma manifolds and I had to improvise, and my homework was just lying there...

11. Tom: Of course I did it! it's just...not here. Would I lie to you, ma'am?

12. Jadzia: Curzon left it on the bus.

13. Grand nagus: Homework! Another stupid hu-mon concept! Where's the profit in it?

14. The EMH: Please state the nature of the medical emergency

15. McCoy: I'm a doctor, not an undergrad!

16. Chakotay: Ah-coo-chee moya. On this day of sorrow and uncertainty when I have forgotten my homework, may the wisdom of my father come to me and give me the excuse I seek.

17. Neelix: Oh! Um...I did mine...on...with...special Leola Root extract disappearing ink. Yeah, that's it!

18. Picard: Has never needed this excuse

BORG HUMOR

Borg Advertising Slogans:

-Borgs are made, not Bjorn.

-McBorg - Over 500 billion assimilated

-Borger King - Our way. Your way is irrelevant

-The Borg Cable Co. : The Subscriber's wishes are irrelevant.

-Still assimilating ........... Nothing outlasts the Borg

If The Borg Assimilated Musicians...

-Victor Borg-a

-Borg in the USA

-Borg Dylan

-Borgara Streisand

-Borg to be Wild

-It's My Borg and I'll Cry If I Want To

-Paul Simon and the Borg at the Right Time Tour

Borg Taglines

-I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year.

-I am Bart of Borg - who the hell are you?

-I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?

-I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant.

-I am Clinton of Borg. Hillary says resistance is futile!

-I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated.

-I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant.

-I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.

-I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.

-I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger.

-I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated!

-I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!

-I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.

-I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's- MORE!

-I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be... ooooohh, doughnuts!

-I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.

-I am Madonna of Borg. Gender is irrelevant.

-I am Madonna of Borg: Justify my assimilation!

-I am OS/2 of Borg. DOS will be assimilated.

-I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.

-I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.

-I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!

-I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.

-I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling

Izvor:
www.trekbase.net



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