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Top Ten reasons for being a Serb
You are not a Croat.
Basketball team.
You can choose between several war criminals in Presidential elections.
You can enjoy the positive media coverage of your country when abroad.
You can fight 600 year-old battles against the Turks and their domestic collaborators, be convinced that it's happening right now, and not be entirely wrong.
You can always go to Greece and Cyprus and fear nothing.
Grilled meat and slivovitz.
You get to drink slivovitz and eat grilled meat even when under economic sanctions.
You are the only European country which will be bombed by NATO.
Every now and then you get to fly to the Hague at someone else's expense.
Top ten reasons for being a Croat
You're not a Serb.
Soccer team.
You get to pretend that your language is different from Serbian, although it's really not.
Dubrovnik.
You get to dream about independent Croatia.
Every now and then you get to sing "Danke, Danke, Deutschland," and continue to dream about independent Croatia.
You have a thousand-year culture of which no one has heard.
You have a democratically elected President who is not ashamed of being a Croat.
The glorious World War Two past.
You have a thousand-year culture...
Top Ten reasons for being Bosnian
You can get asylum anywhere except in Serbia.
You can pretend that your state exists.
Kebab.
You can pretend that Sarajevo is a really cosmopolitan European city when you know that it is not.
Great kebab.
You can be visited by Francois Mitterand, Bernard Henry-Levy, Susan Sontag, and Bill Clinton and it still doesn't make a difference.
Free round-trip to any Moslem country.
You get to be bombed by a psychiatrist.
You can fly your flag in the UN but nowhere else.
Foreigners give you money and don't ask any questions.
Top Ten reasons for being Slovenian
You can speak the beautiful Slovene language and know that no one cares except you.
You can feel superior to all former Yugoslavs.
You can drink after work.
You can pretend to live on the "sunny side of the Alps," although you know it's not that sunny.
You can pretend that you are as good as any German while secretly enjoying the fact that you are a Slav.
Good relations with Italy and Austria.
You can afford to be Yugo-nostalgic.
You can marry a Slovene and have Slovene children who speak Slovene.
You don't have to be ashamed when abroad.
No one bothers you because no one really cares.
Top Ten reasons for being Macedonian
You can call yourself Macedonian and not get killed by a Bulgarian, Greek, Serb or Albanian.
Fresh tomatoes, watermelon and tobacco.
You can pretend you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
You get to be sad and suffer while listening to folk music.
Good relations with your neighbors, especially Greeks and Albanians.
American soldiers on your territory.
You get to call your country The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.
Fresh tomatoes, watermelon, and tobacco.
You can successfully pretend your language is not Bulgarian.
Everyone is interested in the stability of your country except your neighbors
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