Smešne i zanimljive slike,vicevi i fore na engleskom

• 6Ovo se svidja korisnicima: Srki94, ThePhilosopher, mcrule, Inception, kreza, amaterSRB
  
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Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where's your Ferrari?

• 4Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, posebna, Inception, kreza
  
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!


A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, ThePhilosopher, kreza
  
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What pharaoh says when wakes up from a nightmare?
I want my MUMMY.

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: ThePhilosopher
  
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A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.



When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.



Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: ThePhilosopher, kreza, NoOneEver Dreams
  
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Sorry for crashing your party I brought my own punch.
Get it?

• 5Ovo se svidja korisnicima: zola92, Ghost of Sparta, Inception, iCho, amaterSRB
  
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Napisano: 18 Mar 2013 19:35

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.

Dopuna: 18 Mar 2013 19:35

What do a blonde and a barn have in common?
They always have a cock in them.

Get it?

• 6Ovo se svidja korisnicima: vasa.93, Ghost of Sparta, mcrule, Inception, NoOneEver Dreams, amaterSRB
  
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From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
- "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
- "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad."

• 2Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, Ghost of Sparta
  
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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, “Nope … due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So … what will it be?”

The woman didn’t hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, who also gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That’s what I wish for … a great mate.”

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “Let me see that stinking map lady!”