Police: How high are you?
Me: No officer. It's 'Hi, how are you?'
I'm using Internet Explorer. I hope this comment does not come too late.
Happy New Year 2011!
Did anyone ever notice that STUDYING is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.
Dopuna: 17 Jun 2013 9:58
The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
Dopuna: 17 Avg 2013 10:06
When a very tired man got on a crowded bus one afternoon, he could not find an empty seat.
A small dog was sitting on one seat, so he asked the lady with the dog to put the dog on her lap.
The lady refused and they got into a big argument.
Finally, the driver stopped the bus and told the lady to put the dog on her lap.
When the man sat down, he took a pickle out of his pocket and began noisly sucking on it.
When the lady told him the sound and smell was irritating, he told her she should have thought about being nice when he had asked her to move the dog.
They began another argument and the lady threw the pickle out the window.
The man then threw the dog out the window.
Just then the bus stopped and the dog got in line to get back on.
Guess what the dog had in its mouth?
The First 3 Years of Marriage:
•In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
•In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
•In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Two Italians talking in the bus
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they comma together. I comma again. Two asses, they comma together again. I comma once again and pee twice. Denna I comma once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola downa lady," said the man." Imma just tellun my friena here howa to spella Mississippi."
A little boy says: Daddy, how was I born?
DAD says: Ah, my son. I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
--> Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed popup appeared and said:
Patient:
- Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor:
- Next please!
Dopuna: 13 Sep 2013 18:53
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Dopuna: 13 Sep 2013 19:04
Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
Dopuna: 13 Sep 2013 19:06
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Dopuna: 15 Sep 2013 20:52
Ahahahaaahahaaa ...
Dopuna: 27 Sep 2013 19:46
A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"
Dopuna: 27 Okt 2013 18:58
The Password
"Sorry, your password has been in use for 30 days and has expired - you must register a new one."
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1****ingprettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1****INGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1****ingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1****ingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeA ccessRight****ingNow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1****ingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAc cessRight****ingNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use."
