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Zalio se ciga doktoru kako mu nije dobro, i doktor izvrsi kompletne preglede i dodje da mu iznese dijagnozu. "Cigo, ti ce da zivis jos 10 dana", a ovaj ce na to: "Od cega doktore"

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Muju goni pas oko drveta. "Pazi Mujo stici ce te", povika Haso. "Ne brini imam tri kruga prednosti", odgovori Mujo

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Kako se kaze "bolest ludih krava" na srpskom?
-Feminizam

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Radila plavusa na kiosku. Dolazi momak i trazi kutiju kondoma.
- Za ovde ili za poneti?

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Dolazi Mujo ranije sa posla kuci, Fata na drugome...
-Sta radite to, ba???
-Eto, rekla sam ti da nece skontat.

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2005 Marriage Wisdom

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

A man upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? Sympathy?"

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A woman told her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire" he replied.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other woman replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S. The rest cheat in Canada.

First guy: "My wife's an angel."
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Getting married is very much like. going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

I was married by a judge. I should, have asked for a jury.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

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Naidje narkoman na klosara i kaze mu "Braaaateeee, sta ti je, ocajno izgledas"
Klosar kaze "Ma pusti bre, pet dana nista nisam jeo"
Narkoman: "Pa brateee, moras da jedes, probaj, makar na silu"

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Idu dve totalno slepe babe ulicom i nalete na ''shlajmaricu'' na podu:
Prva baba kaze:
-Jao vidi medaljon...
a druga se sagne i uzme u ruke i kaze:
-ma jok bre ovo je lanche....

LOL!!!

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Narkoman se upravo "uradio" i nesto pocne da zvoni. On se sav zbunio, ne zna gde ce pre. Podigne slusalicu i ne zna sta da kaze tutu... tutu... tutu.., nije telefon. On brzo do vrata, zaboravio sta se kaze. Odustane od svoje potrage.
Resi da napise na papir sta treba da prica kad podigne slusalicu, kad dodje do vrata sta da kaze i td.
Dva dana kasnije on se ponovo ubode, ponovo nesto pocne da zvoni, on brzo nadje svoj papir, dodje do telefona "Halo", tutu... tutu.... Opet nije telefon, brzo do vrata: "Ko je znak pitanja", "Mi smo zarez tvoji drugari"

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-Kako se u Bosni reklamira turistička sezona
Dođite u Bosnu vaša kola su već ovde.

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Koja je razlika između Italijana i Bosanaca
Italijan svojoj ženi kaže: bona sera
a Bosanac: ne seri bona.

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U Parlamentu BiH ustao poslanik iz Hercegovine da
se buni zasto se uvijek kaze samo Bosna, a ne i
Hercegovina.
Javio se neki drugi, iz Sarajeva, da mu objasni, pa
kaze:
"To ti je isto k'o kad smo mi prije rata radili u
preduzecu "Vodovod i kanalizacija".
I kad bi neko pit'o dje radis, vazda bi mu rekli: u
"Vodovodu". Ona govna nismo ni spominjali".

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Razgovor negde na Balkanu:
- A zasto ste svoju cerku poslali da studira
filozofiju?
- Pa, kad se uda, dok kuva muzu rucak ili pegla
nek ima o cemu da razmislja.

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Ispred kuce otac i sin pilaju drva i sporo im ide, tek ce sin:
-Tesko ide,stara je pila!
Iz kuce se cuje kevin glas:
-Pa sta ako sam pila, pila sam za svoje pare!!!!!

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Direktor ludnice zove policijsku stanicu i traži pomoć u hvatanju bolesnika koji je tog dana pobegao s lečenja:
- ...visok je metar i pedeset, vrlo je mršav i težak je oko dvesta kila...
- Ali to je nemoguće! Čovek od metar i pedeset, mršav i dvesta kila?!
- Pa jesam li vam rekao da je lud!!

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Prolaze dva ljudoždera pored staračkog doma i jedan kaže drugom:
- Hoćemo na suve šljive?


Šta je Bog rekao kada je napravio crnca?
- Jbg, spalio sam jednog...

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Sretne debil trudnicu i kaze joj:Gde si debela?
Ja nisam debela vec trudna.
A debil:Sta ti je to?Vidis u mom stomaku ima jedna beba.
A debil:Tvoja beba?
Da,moja beba.I volis je puno,puno?Da volim je puno.
Pa sto si je onda pojela???!!!